Relationships Are Not Meant to Complete You

By Lori Marie

People often say that if someone truly loved you, they would be there for you, respond to you, or do all the things you desire. From my perspective, I find it hard to believe that love always looks like this—perfect actions that align with our expectations. Love is not about doing everything "right" to fit into our lives; it’s simply about loving. Not everyone knows exactly how you need to be loved, because they are also navigating life from their own perspective, shaped by their own needs and past experiences.

We all see the world through the lens of our unique histories, and those subconscious stories we live by are different for each of us. When we cross paths with others, it's not about them filling the gaps in our lives, but about showing us where those gaps are. Relationships are about relating—about seeing ourselves through others. When we interact with someone, it highlights the parts of ourselves that may still need healing or growth.

The empty spots within us are not for others to fill. We are not supposed to look for someone to complete us. Instead, we are drawn to others who amplify aspects of ourselves that we may not yet fully see. When someone acts in a way that contradicts what we think we need, that’s exactly where we need to look deeper within ourselves. It's an opportunity to ask, Why does this trigger me? The responsibility is not on others to meet our conditioned expectations, but on us to connect, reflect, and learn how to love ourselves.

Once we master this self-love, we can overflow and share that energy with others. But the key is that no one is meant to fill our cup in a specific way. It’s the opposite: we are meant to fill our own cup first and let it spill over naturally.

So, when we’re drawn to someone—whether it's a partner or a friend—it’s about what they can teach us about ourselves. Ask yourself: Why has this person entered my life? What can I learn from them? How can they reflect parts of me that need attention or growth, so my cup can start to fill up? Instead of thinking that if someone loves you, they will act a certain way, shift the focus: If I love myself, I will respect myself enough to surround myself with people who reflect my worth. It’s not about how others treat you—it’s about how they show you how to treat yourself.